


Shattered

by justanotherteenager



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Biadore, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, witney
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 18:52:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10393842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanotherteenager/pseuds/justanotherteenager
Summary: Adore was sadNo, that wasn’t right. Adore was happy, carefree, the life of a party, a libra. Danny was sad. Danny was miserable. Because his two best friends, the ones he could talk to about anything and everything, were kissing, and he was jealous.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically a really angsty fic that you can read if you wanna cry. I might do a sequel, let me know if you want one in the comments❤

Adore was sad

No, that wasn’t right. Adore was happy, carefree, the life of a party, a libra. Danny was sad. Danny was miserable. Because his two best friends, the ones he could talk to about anything and everything, were kissing, and he was jealous.

He was sitting in the corner of the bar with a shot of tequila in his hand, bright red wig on his head, and his face beat to capacity. His mouth was dry and his hands were shaking, his eyes wide as he watched Roy and Shane hold each other in an dark corner of the bar, lost in their own world of smeared lipstick and rumpled clothes. He should be happy for them, he thinks to himself. They look happy. And yet, when they pull away just to smile at each other in pure bliss, he feels like he’s a breath away from crying.

Alaska was on stage belting out one of her newest songs on her album, and people were yelling and laughing, shouting over the booming sound system, yet all he could hear was the sound of his steadily accelerating heart rate, deafening in his mind, and the flurry of thoughts that swarmed his brain and went just as quickly away. He had to get out. He slammed a random bill from his wallet onto the bar, and rushed as quickly as he could to the bathroom, suddenly feeling nauseous. He didn’t even realize that Willam, who was the host of the show, had followed him in.

He was hunched over the dirty toilet bowl when he felt reassuring hands unpinning his red wig and brushing his boy hair back, a soothing voice filling the almost silent air. He wiped his mouth and turned around to see Willam’s concerned blue eyes studying his face carefully, and Danny couldn’t take it anymore. He collapsed into surprised yet strong arms, and sobbed into Willam’s designer jacket, ruining the shoulder. Willam didn’t say anything, instead holding the shaking boy and rubbing his back as he broke down. He pulled away slightly to mumble something into Willam’s slender shoulder. Willam shifted Danny in his arms so that they were leaning on either sides of the stalls walls, looking at each other. Danny assumed that he wasn’t heard the first time, and repeated what he said moments before.

“Roy and Shane are together.”

He spoke in barely over a whisper, yet the words seemed to echo off the walls and assault his eardrums all over again. He looked at Willam as he said it, and saw his friend shatter before his eyes. His shoulders sagged, the light from his eyes seemingly disappeared, his back slouched and knees rose, almost curling into himself. Danny collected himself before he broke down again, and he heard himself muttering something about how he saw them kissing, soon realizing that wasn’t the best thing to say when he saw Willam look at his hands and try to blink back tears that were threatening to escape. He was chanting something that Danny couldn’t hear, and looked as if he too might empty his stomach into the toilet bowl just to his right. Danny enveloped the sarcastic queen into a hug, tucking Willam’s head into the crook where his shoulder joined his neck, and let him curl into his arms. Danny was close now, and could hear what the other man had been repeating to himself.

“They cant be. I love him. I loved him. They cant kiss. They cant be together. He was gonna be mine. He was meant to be mine. I cant do this. I love him.”

And suddenly Danny understood. He understood how sometimes Willam stared at Courtney on stage, or how he would sound a little too in awe when he talked about the Australian queen, or how even when Willam was mad or annoyed, Shane never failed to make him smile. He was in love with him, and God, Danny knew how that felt. He knew how even if it was just a friendly hug, he felt as if his whole body had been set on fire. He knew how it felt when they took selfies and their lips were so close together, and if he just turned a little he would meet those painted lips he so wanted to feel against his. He knew how it felt when Roy favourited of retweeted something that had to do with him on twitter, how it felt like he was on top of the world.

And now he also knew how it felt when your heart broke, and how it felt when pieces of your self were lying on a dirty club bathroom, right next to your friends similar fragments. It hurt. It hurt like you had just been skinned alive and thrown into a vat of acid, and you couldn’t swim, couldn’t breathe, and you honestly don’t think you would even if you could, because it feels like you have nothing to live for. He pressed his face into Willam’s huge blonde wig, and suddenly felt like laughing. In fact, he almost did, because this night didn’t make any sense, yet it made all the sense in the world.

*Flashback*

At the beginning of the night, Danny had been on top of the world. He had a gig booked with Violet, Pearl, Bianca, Courtney, Willam, Trixie, Alaska, and Katya. He already got into drag at his hotel, not wanting to spend any more time in the cramped dressing room than he had to. He took a cab to the club, and pushed his way through the crowd. He threw open the door to the dressing room, almost hitting Katya as he did. Danny took in his surroundings, breathing in the heavy smell of hairspray and foundation. He saw Violet leaning against a make up counter, head drooping as Pearl tightened her corset as tight as Violets slim figure would allow. He saw Willam helping Courtney with her lipstick, and Alaska trying to make her wig defy the very laws of gravity. He saw Bianca chuckling to herself as Trixie helped Katya stretch, asking the Russian queen every few seconds if she had hurt her. He smiled to himself when he saw Pearl, now done with the lacing on the back of the corset, leaning on Violet and whispering in her ear, leaving Violet to let loose her famous cackle, and Pearl to beam at her through the mirror. They looked so happy. Danny wanted that, to love someone as much as they loved him. As he thought this, his eyes unconsciously trailed back to a still laughing Roy, in full drag.

He caught the way his kissable lips shone in the dim dressing room lights, how his eyes gleamed when he caught Danny’s eyes, how his teeth were so bright when he smiled that Danny was sure he could have seen his own reflection in them, seeing Adore’s mug and vibrant red wig framing his amused smirk on his face, and God Danny was in too deep again.

He tore his eyes off his best friend, and quickly looked at Trixie, who was holding Katya’s leg mid air, rising it when the Boston queen said she could. He noted how Trixie’s eyes would almost sparkle when she looked at the other queen, and it made his heart hurt. Because when Trixie looked into Katya’s eyes, she saw that same stare looking back at her, and Danny didn’t have that. He wanted it, oh God he needed it, yet he couldn’t get it. Bianca didn’t love Adore, and Roy did not love Danny. Not the way he wanted to be loved. So he hid how he felt, and he did it well. Almost as well as Willam, who was currently staring at Courtney in amusement as she tried to get bright pink lipstick off of her teeth. Danny barely managed to not roll his eyes as he crossed the tiny room to get Willams attention and tell him they were on in five.

“Five minutes,” he breathed to him self. “Five minutes, and its show time. Five minutes, and you can pretend to be happy, to be Adore, the whore who loves to party, loves pizza, and loves performing.”

He was on stage, belting out the ending lyrics to Dancing On My Own by Robyn, on the edge of crying. So much for having fun. The lyrics to the heart breaking song were getting to him, and he was stumbling through the last verse while trying to produce a smooth tone, knowing that whatever was coming out was anything but. He managed a strangled “byeee” at the end, and made his way to the bar as soon as he handed the microphone off to Willam. He needed tequila.

*End of Flashback*

Danny felt like laughing because he went from being ready to party, ready to laugh, ready to finally, just maybe tell Roy how he felt, to on the filthy floor of a public bathroom which smelt like vomit. He felt like laughing until he cried, until his eyelashes fell off, until his eyeliner was streaking down his foundation covered cheeks, until nothing mattered, until he couldn’t feel anything ever again.

He was trembling now, tears steadily making their way down his cheekbones. He could hear Willam whimpering brokenly into his arms, hear the muffled bass through the old bathroom door, hear the excited shouts of people enjoying themselves, singing along to the lyrics of one of Alaska’s songs.

He could hear himself laughing, chuckling while he sobbed, while his heart broke. He laughed while his world was being torn apart. He laughed because he couldn’t do anything, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. He laughed until his vision was blurry and his cheeks hurt, his stomach hurt, his entire body hurt. He laughed until he couldn’t breathe. He laughed until it didn’t matter. Until nothing mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally posted on tumblr at http://artificialqueens.tumblr.com You guys should check their blog out, its really great. Thanks for reading❤


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